What I Need
I have been thinking a lot about a woman who knows Jesus. She lived in a nursing home I use to work for. And she said something to me that has been haunting my thoughts since Tuesday. I had asked her if she could only give me one piece of wisdom as a follower of Jesus what would it be? I was bracing myself for a revelation from God that would open the heavens and make me the wisest, deepest person I knew. (Sad, huh?)
And she said that she never does anything without asking Jesus if he wants her to. She even used the example of brushing her teeth which she was doing in that moment. And I remember thinking, "This is it? This is what 90 years of living for Jesus gets you? Asking Him if its ok to brush your teeth before you do it? Where is the deep revelation in that?" I casually dropped the conversation and went about my prideful, arrogant way.
I was in the prayer room on Tuesday morning, and I felt broken before God. I had been confronted on my pride the weekend before, and I was realizing that I could really screw everything up without even trying. HOLY CRAP! What am I going to do? The Phillipines is going to be a disaster all thanks to me and my pride. I could actually see myself not admitting I was wrong the entire trip, making my team miserable, and totally missing God. And in that moment of total clarity of who I am and what I am capable of, I saw the wisdom of what the woman had said. I need Jesus! I need Him to direct my every move. I need to be in His will at all times, because when left to my own direction, I am doomed to failure.
It hit me how little I actually ask Him for His direction, on big and little decisions. I call myself a follower of Jesus, but I think most of the time I'm off on my own not really interested in what He has to say. My pride keeps me independent of God, so I don't pray, seek His word, or ask for spiritual direction from others. I just want to say that I am sorry Jesus for not following you. I need you, and I am beginning to see that. Please continue to open my eyes to my deep need for you. Thank you for putting people in my life who care enough about me to say hard things which is a gift. I long to one day say in truth to someone, "I never do anything without asking Jesus if He wants me to." For anyone who reads this, please pray this for me, because I really need your prayers! J
And she said that she never does anything without asking Jesus if he wants her to. She even used the example of brushing her teeth which she was doing in that moment. And I remember thinking, "This is it? This is what 90 years of living for Jesus gets you? Asking Him if its ok to brush your teeth before you do it? Where is the deep revelation in that?" I casually dropped the conversation and went about my prideful, arrogant way.
I was in the prayer room on Tuesday morning, and I felt broken before God. I had been confronted on my pride the weekend before, and I was realizing that I could really screw everything up without even trying. HOLY CRAP! What am I going to do? The Phillipines is going to be a disaster all thanks to me and my pride. I could actually see myself not admitting I was wrong the entire trip, making my team miserable, and totally missing God. And in that moment of total clarity of who I am and what I am capable of, I saw the wisdom of what the woman had said. I need Jesus! I need Him to direct my every move. I need to be in His will at all times, because when left to my own direction, I am doomed to failure.
It hit me how little I actually ask Him for His direction, on big and little decisions. I call myself a follower of Jesus, but I think most of the time I'm off on my own not really interested in what He has to say. My pride keeps me independent of God, so I don't pray, seek His word, or ask for spiritual direction from others. I just want to say that I am sorry Jesus for not following you. I need you, and I am beginning to see that. Please continue to open my eyes to my deep need for you. Thank you for putting people in my life who care enough about me to say hard things which is a gift. I long to one day say in truth to someone, "I never do anything without asking Jesus if He wants me to." For anyone who reads this, please pray this for me, because I really need your prayers! J
posted by brian sanders at 9:10 PM
2 Comments:
Hey girl- so glad to get to hear your thoughts as the trip gets closer. I really am inspired by your love for Jesus.
Jennifer, good post and a good blog, I will be praying for you as you prepare and go on your trip. You can check out my blog at MattPurmot.blog...you know the rest.
later,
Matt
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